


Rhythm Of My Heart

by argumentativeArtisan



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, F/F, M/M, Meteorstuck, davekat and rosemary are the only valid ships sorry i don't make the rules, feel like i should mention, homestuck??? in 2019???, it's the canon stuff tho, she works forward and recovers like in canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2020-06-29 07:11:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19825111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/argumentativeArtisan/pseuds/argumentativeArtisan
Summary: corny davekat fic to feed the endless void in my soul.it's set on the meteor and basically how they got together an shit.also made to work with my other fic, Dead kids: be alive again.but this would technically be a prequel so you don't need to read that first.





	1. Chapter 1

6 months, 4 days, 8 hours and you need to stop before you get to micro seconds, but the point is made

You’ve been bored as fuck on this meteor. 

Between having to help Kanaya wrangle your near constantly drunk sister and avoiding the hell out of the murder clown when he occassionally honks, there isn’t much to do. You are in your room, or can town a good 90% of the time, the other 10% is split between the kitchen and your snazzy new bathtub, because holy fuck, who knew that a decent bathtub could be so fucking great? Not your dumbass, that’s for sure. 

As of right now, you are alchemizing more assorted bullshit for your room. Oh and food. Rose specifically told you to get more food. Fuck, what’d she say? Bread and uh, goddamit, you have no idea. 

**DAVE === > Pester Rose**

You obviously cannot be bothered to walk all the way back to Rose and Kanaya’s conjoined rooms and ask her in person, so you settle for pestering her. 

**turntechGodhead(TG) began pestering tentacleTherapist (TT) !**

TG: yo

TG: rose

TG: my brose

TG: my sister from the same mister technically 

TT: Dearest brother, I am currently nursing a hangover from hell so do be quick 

TT: In simpler terms, I’d very much appreciate you skipping over your endless need to ramble about nonsense and get to the fucking point. 

TG: k shit no need to get testy man

TG: anyway, what were the groceries was supposed to be getting 

TT: You are hopeless. 

TG: yeah now what am i getting

TT: Bread, eggs, milk, applejuice, coffee and anything else you think of that we have a code for

TT: We’re really runing low here

TG: aight got it man

**turntechGodhead (TG) is an idle chum!**

You return to your dutiful alchemitizing of groceries, with the occasional inclusion of some sick new clothes. And records, a lotta of records. 

It’s no surprise that for the umpteeth time since you got here, you have alchemetized so much shit that your sylladex and arms cannot carry it all back to the kitchen and your room. 

It’s also no surprise that you run into a crabby little troll on your last trip back. You run into him in the most literal sense, because according to Rose, you are perpetually oblivious to your surroundings, you’d call her a bitch but she’d take it as a compliment. 

“HOLY FUCK, OF COURSE. ON THIS MOST SHITTIEST OF DAYS I HAPPEN TO RUN SMACK INTO THE BIGGEST FUCKING DICKLAMP TO EVER EXIST IN EITHER OF OUR UNIVERSES! WONDER-FUCKING-FUL!” 

Why is he like this? 

Can’t a man just go get his awesome ass haul of random shit without angry aliens with impossibly loud voices yelling all the damn time?

“Sup man. Just passing through, like a fucking log in a stream. Just floatin my way down so if you’ll excuse me, imma make like a tree and leaf” Ow, that was rough, not your best work for sure, but oh well, he called you a dicklamp and that’s not much better. 

“LET ME GUESS, WITH MY LUCK, YOU’RE ALSO HEADING TO THE ALCHEMITIER?”

“Yup” 

“GOGDAMNIT” 

You two walk for a stretch in relative silence, until you hit the lab where the alchemitier is. You realize that you actually have never seen any of the trolls in here, with the exception of Vriska when she goes clown hunting. 

“Yo, Karkat?” 

“WHAT DO YOU FUCKING WANT?” he snaps, well, not really, it has significantly less bite in it as compared to his usual assery. 

“Why haven’t I ever seen any of you guys in here? Except spider bitch but I’m assuming normal troll conventions don’t apply to her.” He’s quiet for a second, and then another… and another. Karkat is literally never quiet, at least around you, that is… You are about to tell him that he really doesn’t need to eleaborate on whatever-the-fuck is bothering him straight into silence, but, he speaks first. 

“IT’S WHERE WE ALL WERE BEFORE SHIT HIT THE PROPELLER COOLING DEVICE” Oh, so that’s it. Maybe you should apologise-

“ALSO ERIDAN AND SOLLUX DUELED IN HERE. WHICH IS LITERALLY WHY HALF THE SHIT THAT HAPPENED ACTUALLY FUCKING HAPPENED.” Before you can say your crappy apology, he pushes past you into the room and over to the Alchemitier. You waddle up next to him and start grabbing your shit, until the eventuality of holding that much random crap comes to pass, you drop like, all your movies. Karkat starts to pick through them, seeming interested in making fun of your movie choices. 

“DAVE, ARE ALL THESE WRIGGLER MOVIES?” He says, the barest hint of a smile appearing on his face, he is _never_ gonna let you live this down. 

“Well, I mean. Mostly yeah. Bro hated disney, said they were gonna control the fuckin’ planet so i just kinda wanted to know what I was missing?” He’s quiet again. Even with your limited contact with angry mcnubbs, it’s been made pretty clear that talking about bro is generally a no no. 

“YOUR HUMAN LUSUS WAS DUMB AS FUCK” is all he says, before dropping the movies back into your arms and turning back to what he was doing. 

A few hours later, after some sweet tunes and a bunch of less-shit-than-usual drawings, your computer buzzes and you check your pesterchum 

**carcinoGenetist (CG) began pestering turntechGodhead (TG)**

CG: HEY NOOKWHIFFER  
CG: WE’RE HAVING A MOVIE MARATHON OUT HERE  
CG: I KNOW YOU’RE ONLINE THE MESSAGE HASN’T POPPED UP 

TG: jesus dude gimme a chance to type 

CG: NO

CG: NOT WHEN I AM FUCKING CERTAIN YOU HAVE BEEN GLUED TO YOUR HUSKTOP FOR MOST OF THE DAY

TG:fucking rude but fine

TG: what we watching 

CG: ROSE SAYS IT’S ALL TIMELESS CLASSICS WITH THE TARGETED AGE OF YOUNG HUMANS. 

TG: goddamnit kat did you tell her about the whole ‘bro hates disney’ thing

TG: not cool man

CG: ‘KAT’ IS NOT MY FUCKING NAME AND BESIDES

CG: SHE’S THE SEER OF LIGHT DAVE, SHE KNEW WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY BEFORE I SAID IT. 

TG: a fair point

TG: fine lemme get the comfy pjs

CG: THEY BETTER NOT BE THE ‘NINJA TURTLES’ ONES DAVE

TG: you cant fucking stop me vantass

CG: FUCK

CG: YOU 

**carcinoGenetist (CG) ceased pestering turntehcGodhead (TG)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> movie night! and the couch scene TM   
> also this is a little short but i feel like this is a good stopping point and don't wanna push it, ya feel?

When you arrive in the living room, or, at least what passes for one in the meteor, everyone (save for the clown) is already seated. Vriska and Terezi are...conspiring is really the only word for whatever it is that they do together, Rose looks relatively sober and you think about how many advil she probably took to be able to withstand a headache during loud movies; She sits next to Kanaya, both of them are already busy with their latest sewing and knitting projects. You can’t help but wonder what your sister will be defacing with that suspiciously tentacle shaped yarn creation. 

You jump over the back of the couch and land next to Karkat, who apparently had not known you entered the room, you accidentally spook the mayor at his feet as well. You feel a little bad for that, the mayor don’t deserve your bulshittery. 

“WHAT THE EVER LOVING FUCK??? DID YOUR SORRY EXCUSE FOR A LUSUS NEVER TEACH YOU TO SIT DOWN NORMALLY???” You are about to respond, but Kanaya shoots you two a glare as Rose rubs at her temple, huh, must not have taken enough advil then. 

“Will You Two Please Behave For The Evening?” She says, in a tone that is a lot less polite as the word choice would suggest. You shut up, so does Karkat, he respects Kanaya, of course, but you are just plain terrified of her. From what you have heard, she clocked vriska, drop kicked the juggalo and chainsawed a dude. But apparently they all had it coming, you do not want to have it coming, so you will behave. 

“Aight, sorry Maryam. I’ll save my monkeying around for later. No going absolutely apeshit over here, Tarzan is officially on house arrest, not that it’d really work since he lives outside. I think. Holy fuck Jade is Tarzan, we have to tell her omg-” 

“Dave you’re doing again” Rose looks at you pointedly, message received: stop talking like a blithering idiot. 

As the first movie begins, you settle into your seat and start munching on Karkat’s popcorn, much to his displeasure, but Kanaya’s “No Fooling Around” decree stands and he doesn’t do anything but occasionally slap your hand. 

You lost track of time. For the first time since you godtiered, you lost yourself. Rose had managed to get her conniving hands all over a shit load of good shit. Grease, West Side Story, The Breakfast Club, Jumanjii, even a few romcoms that Karkat was practically salivating over, you paid less attention to those titles.

In the end, you watch four movies and all of you agreed that this was gonna happen again, preferably weekly. Rose spouted some psychobabble about how having something to look forward to, and establishing a routine were important blah blah blah. You tuned out of that. The last move was a romcom, who knows what, but you fell asleep. It was a real good sleep too, complete with a fluffy pillow…

Then you work up, your head in Karkat’s lap, he was knocked out too, and the mayor had somehow gotten hold of your cape, which he was adorably wrapped in. 

Well fuck

This is… awkward. 

And a bit gay. Not that it matters, all trolls are a little gay, you think, and your sister is a raging lesbian. Yeah, it’s fine, but you aren’t gay. 

You float upward in an attempt to escape before he woke up, but he cracked one eye open and looked down at you. 

“Nice fucking try, dick sneeze” You try (and fail) to look cool. 

“Don’t know what you mean man, and hey, why so quiet? You’re almost at a normal volume there” He opens both eyes only to roll them at you in a very dramatic fashion. 

“Whatever , asshat, my legs are fucking dead from having your brick filled head on it for hours and I woke up like 30 seconds ago, please forgive my lowered noise output.” Heh. That was actually kinda amusing, you’d tell him that but you don’t want to encourage his god complex.

After a few more minutes of bickering, you actually leave, you offer to carry the mayor over to can town, where his funky little blanket nest/bed is, but Karkat says he got it, so you go to your room and drop your ass directly on your bed for a few more hours of Z’s 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER #3!! GIVE IT UP FOR CHAPTER #3!!

You are in your room, it’s been almost exactly 2 months since movie nights began, it’s been fun, but as the girls continue to retreat into their own little bubbles, you and Karkat are shoved together more often than not. He comes to your room to bitch about whatever dumbass shit the main protag in his latest novel is doing and you show up with food and a laptop at his for impromptu anime watching sessions. It’s fun. You enjoy the shout lord’s company and he seems to at least tolerate you, and you both love the mayor, of course, everyone loves the mayor. 

Today is a little different, though. You and Karkat exist in the same room without talking to each other often enough, but you usually don’t make music while he’s in there. He has expressed his hatred for rap so much that you think he might actually hate it almost as much as he hates himself.

That’s also a problem but you leave it alone most of the time. 

“Dave, what the fuck is that?” He asks, shit, he’s gonna bitch about the music isn’t he. Goddamnit. 

“Nothin man, just my sweet ass tunes, hear to caress your alien listening tubes. The soothing noise of strider gonna make you weep like an old lady at a wedding amiright” He looks at you like he doesn’t want to dignify that with the response you were trying to press out of him. 

“No, you fucko. I meant the _words_ in it.” Oh, double shit. Kablamo 4x super combo. You’re fucked. If you rarely mix around Karkat, you absolutely never let him hear you sing. _Rose_ has never heard you do anything but some mediocre raps and oh fuck oh damn, this is a new level of panic. 

“I-uh. It’s just some sounds man. Mashin together some totally-not-me noises for the track. I’ll stop playing though, don’t want to make your head explode or something. Pretty certain Kanaya would roast me over a spit fire if you died due to my lameass voice but-” He interrupts you. Your iconic metaphors have been stopped and he interrupts you. 

“It’s not fucking bad, dickweasel. I just didn’t know you could actually godamn sing” 

“I really can’t” 

“Bulshit” He looks back down at his book and you turn back to your tables. Fuck, your face is hot, you're blushing. 

Karkat continues to read and you continue to well, actually you just stand there trying to compute the fact that someone actually enjoys you singing. Bro always said that singing was the lamer version of rapping so you never really practiced if you thought he might be nearby. Didn’t want him to think you were uncool, or tell you that it was pussy music or a million other things that Rose would probably love to talk about if she was coherent for long enough. Luckily, your phone saves you from being a totally gaping idiot for too long

tentacleTherapist (TT) began pestering turntechGodhead (TG) 

TT: Dave

TT: you know it’s almost christmas, right? 

TG: holy shit you’re right

TT: the Knight of time my ass

TG: yeah well bro didn’t really like any holiday except halloween 

TT: Did bro like anything aside from puppet fetishes?

TG: ponies i think 

TT: Fucking horrible 

TG: agreed

TG: so what are we doing about it? 

TG: it’s not like trolls have christmas

TG: and if they did, Karkat and troll jesus share a b day so it’s a ways off

TT: actually they do have an end of the year celebration

TG: o shit

TG: do tell

TT: it’s called Twelfth Perigee

TT: It isn’t entirely like Christmas but from what I can tell, feasts and present giving are still relatively comon among highblood friend groups. 

TT: needless to say, Karkat very likely has never experienced this.

TT:I asked Terezi and Vriska but apparently they were not invited due to them being notorious for killing a lot of trolls to feed Vriska’s lusus. 

TT: Kanaya says that the Jades always got together though. 

TG: great so that makes you and her the only two people on this damn thing that have actually had a semi normal holiday

TT: I suppose we could change that.

TT: I’m alchemitizing decorations with Kanaya, you and Karkat are designated decorators. 

TG: woah wait why us

TT: because you such at alchemitizing anything without shitty JPEG artifacts

TT: and you can’t cook 

TG: hey fuck you i can cook 

TT: no you cannot

TG: fine but don’t tell me itsy bitsy murder bitch and the blind scaley CAN cook 

TT: no but they can follow directions better than you and I made it a competition so they’ll actually try to do well. \

TG: gogdamnit

TG: fine

TG: are we doing presents

TT: No shit, Dave

TG: fuck off

TG: for everyone or like one each

TT: I made one for everyone

TT: As did Kanaya

TT: But it is up to you

TG: guilt tripping

TT: Not in the slightest. Come get the decorations 

tentacleTherapist (TT) ceased pestering turntechGodhead (TG) 

“So I’m going to assume that Rose just spouted the same shit Kanaya did to me about Twelfth Perigee decorating?” 

“Depends, did she insult your capability to follow directions?” 

“Twice, with detailed examples”

You laugh, just a bit, gotta keep it cool. Your face has stopped being beat red, so you turn to face him and huh. The way his face is all scrunched up is.. Kinda cute actually.

Fuck

Mayday

Back it up folks we are SO not doing this. 

You hurry to get out the door, calling back to Karkat to tell him to meet you in the living room. Boy howdy this is gonna be a fun day. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lol I made a really shitty rap.   
> But I mean it’s shit on purpose so it’s half ok.

“DAVID ELIZABETH STRIDER” 

Karkat has busted the door to your room wide open, which is titally uncool, because you’re in a dorito stained t-shirt and eon fuckin pink boxers. Like c’mon man, maybe knock for like, once? He looks simultaneously pissed (like usual) and a little offended (???) It is December 13th, you and Karkat did a shitload of decorating to appease your holiday loving lesbian overlords all of yesterday. You haven’t seen him since and now he just clambers into your room like a goddamn wife catching her husband cheating on her. 

“Uh, I haven’t even seen you today, so I have no idea why you’re all pissy at me man.” He looks at you like you like you are the dumbest motherfucker ever, ok, really, what did you do?

“You didn't tell me about your wriggling day, me and Kanaya are  _ both _ pissed!” Oh, huh, well, your birthday has indeed been overlooked, you guess you’re 15 now, nice.

“Idk man, me and Rose don’t really do birthday shit. Jade and John sort of tried to get us to by sending us presents but that’s pretty much it” He looks at you… Sadly? You aren’t exactly sure why but you have a feeling that you are going to hear it straight from the horse’s mouth in a second

“Dave, that’s sad as fuck, even in our fucking aweful society, a wriggling day is still important, proof you made it another sweep I guess…” You feel a little awkward, it’s almost identical to how you felt when John and Jade recited a similar montra. Are these assholes comparing notes on how to make you uncomfortable or something, because that’d be a fuckin dick move. 

Karkat shakes his head and turns to leave, but before he shuts the door, he calls back into the room for a second. 

“Don’t you think I’m forgetting about this you bastard! Your wriggl-  _ birthday _ will be celebrated!” Goddamnit, Karkat. Who told him about your birthday? Wait, who told him about your goddamn middle name? Man, you were gonna fuckin wreck John and Jade, since they were the most likely culprits. Unless Rose sold you out… 

Your thought of treachery turn to thoughts of music and you get up off your ass to start mixing. You are pretty far into a good ass jam, when you near a knock at the door, to your surprise, it’s Kanaya.    
  


“Hello, David” You cringe, does she  _ have _ to pick up Rose’s annoying habit? 

“Sup, Kan, what brings you to Casa De la Strider on this fine day?” she smirks, if there is anyone who understands your endless need for extended hyperbole and sarcasm, it’s Kanaya. 

“I was simply deprived of your astounding personality” Now it’s your turn to smirk like an asshole. See, this is why you like Kanaya, no weird shit, no yelling and no psychoanalyzing, just dry humor. 

“Truthfully, I need your help, I haven’t the slightest idea of what to give Rose for your human ‘christmas’ or her birthday, I’ll give you information on what Karkat would like in exchange for the same on Rose” 

“Dirty tactics, Maryam, not that Karkat and Rose aren’t doing the same thing, but sure, let's go for it.” You dive into a long ramble about Rose’s favorite things, the less obvious things; Kanaya has spent a long enough amount of time with the sneaky broad to know all of the basics.

“She loves handmade shit, especially stuff that is very obviously coded for her personality  _ exactly. _ Jade used to send her plants with medicinal purposes, or ones she could use for tea. I made her a fucking awesome playlist, remixes of her favorite songs, burned it on a disc and painted the top side purple. She still listens to it, I’m pretty sure, and she won’t drink tea that isn’t from her plants anymore.” You pause to catch your breath and think of more to say, what other lovely details about your twin can you spill? 

“She also like, loves wizards. She pretends she doesn’t, but it’s totally her shit, and she writes a lot like Karkat does. Oh shit, wait, mind fuck man, i got it! You can’t take this one since it’s probably not something you can alchemize, but I am  _ so  _ getting her a custom violin.” Ha! You have it figured out! All four of you used to record yourselves playing music and send it to one another, one of the many perks of all your friends being musicians is the endless flow of new music you all can create. Rose doesn’t have her violin anymore, she left it at her house and honestly? It’d probably be a great way for her to destress, without alcohol, preferably. 

“I think you have helped me plenty, I have a few ideas I’ll mull over later, as for my half of the deal-” She sucks in a breath of air. 

“He has always had trouble sleeping, but without his lusus, it is much harder for him. I believe Crabdad used to make some sort of noises to calm him. I know from Rose that humans suffer from a lot of sleep loss after trauma, or just at random, and have a lot of ways to trick one’s mind into resting, can you think of anything like that? “ 

“Yeah, I mean, there’s a bunch of shit, hell, Rose used to stuff her pillow with lavender when her mom had parties. John thinks that covering yourself in piles of blankets helps but it was always way too hot in Houston for that.” 

“So what did you do?” You think back to the warm nights in your apartment when you couldn’t sleep. You would check every part of your room to make sure Bro wasn’t gonna bust in, and then, you played music. Your friends music. Mixing guitar, violin and piano was a little hard the first few times, especially since all three of them play  _ so  _ differently, but eventually, you mixed something calming and soft, you still listen to it before bed. 

“I-I listen to music” She nods, accepting the response. You wonder for a moment why exactly she chose to tell you about his sleeping problems. You voice this curiosity. 

“Well, because Karkat, as you know, is a highly emotional individual, the more tired he is, the worse it gets, and he hates feeling like a burden, which pressing his emotions onto others is. He places great value on things people do to aid others. While he’d love a normal, thoughtful gift, he’d be over the moons about something done specifically to improve his quality of life. It is likely he will aim to do the same for the rest of us.” Ah shit. Well, now you are throughly entrenched in the bulshit of Karkat’s sleeping habits and more importantly, how to fucking fix them. 

“Awesome, that’s a good plan then, thanks dude” She thanks you as well and leaves the room. Great, now what are you going to do? No time like the present you suppose…

Your name is KARKAT VANTAS and you are fucking annoyed. Kanaya elected to abscond from the communal respite area the second you arrived. You are most definitely going to interrogate her later. But for now, you have to pester Rose. Seeing as she is the only human you can tolerate other than the one in question, you’ll have to ask  _ her _ what to give Dave for “christmas” and his wriggling day. It’s fucking atrocious that neither human dained to tell you and Kanaya about their impending, then passing birthdays but you’ll be damned if you don’t still plan to celebrate them. 

“ROSE” you startle her, she looks so fucking exahsted that she may have you beaten with the size of those eyebags. 

“What do you need, Karkat” She seems far too polite right now, and sober. She usually is only lucid enough to have a full conversation around movie marathons, but right now? Aside from the tiredness, she seems, well, normal (ish). 

“I have  _ no _ idea what to give Dave for either of the current celebrations we are going to have and I need your help” She groans and throws her head back into the back of her chair. It’s times like these that you see the similarities between her and Dave jump out, that move was so similar to her twin that you just about called her out on it. But you are trying (trying) not to get too side tracked.

“Dave isn’t a difficult book to read Karkat, he loves personalized shit like the majority of other humans. Make him a rap and record it or a shitty JPEG collage of all the dumb shit he likes, there, are we done?” You frown at her, she is often a bitch, but she’s a sneaky, conniving bitch, not an outright asshole, that’s more a Vriska move. 

“Thanks.. I guess, do you want to know anything about Kanaya?” 

“Do you really think that after nearly 8 months of knowing and being nearly attached to her side that I do not have a good idea of what do give Kanaya?” She snaps, you reel back a little, but then move forward again. What in the fuck? Rose is by far, usually the most reasonable of you all and this is definitely a turn for the worse. Alright folks, rage mode: activate. Rose’s bitchy-ness is edging close to Vriska levels of hoofbeast shit and that will not stand. TL;DR, you’re totally gonna shout this bitch into the nearest voidmouth. 

“EXCUSE YOU? I’VE KNOWN HER FOREVER AND YOU HAVEN’T EVEN KNOWN HER A YEAR? BESIDES. YOU’VE BEEN DRUNK AS FUCK ON YOUR HUMAN SOPORIFICS SO REALLY. SO REALLY, WHAT DO  _ YOU  _ KNOW?” Okay, that was a little harsh, you know for a fact she’s sensitive about the soporifics thing. She pulls back like you did previously and purses her lips, you, for a moment, think you see tears, but none have the gall to actually leave her eyes. 

“I-You’re right, I have been… too intoxicated these past months, but I am working on it. Perhaps I should take your advice, if you are still willing to give it?” You sigh and pinch the bridge of your nose, Dave said before that Rose gets shittier the more tired and stressed she is, you should probably give her a break. 

“Gog. It’s fine, we’ve all been absolute dumpster fires once or twice before, it’s just your turn I guess. Kanaya loves your knitting, a sweater or a scarf would be very well received. She also likes plants a lot, if you can alchemitize some in flora containers, she’d probably really like that. She misses the sun a lot, and the outside, her and Nepeta were the only ones that really spent a lot of time outside because they actually  _ liked _ nature so…” You shrug, Rose’s face looks like a mind at work so you turn away to leave. 

“Thank you, Karkat, that was actually very helpful.” She pauses to fiddle with something in her sylladex and produces a list, shoving it toward you, you take it from her and quirk a brow at her. 

“John, Jade and I used to take note of every time Dave got overly excited about things that would make good gifts. He is rather unforthcoming when you just ask so we resorted to back reading pesterlogs a lot. Jade sent me an updated 2009 list over pesterchum yesterday. “ Wow, actually, that was pretty thoughtful of them… You tuck the note into your pocket and thank her quietly. You bump into Kanaya right as you exit the communal respite area with and “oof”. 

“Oh, there you are Karkat, I was wondering where you had gotten off to, I was wondering if you had seen Gamzee lately, he’s been perusing through my fabric storage closets and I’d like to give him a thorough talking to.” Talking to, yeah right, she’s gonna knock him upside the head and threaten bodily harm until he honks off in fear.

“No Kanaya, I have not, in fact, seen my mistake of an ex-moirail we call Gamzee. But if I do, I’ll tell him to run” She smiles, but whacks you in the back of the head anyway. You scowl at her and shout a string of curses, but she ignores this pretty much entirely, as you’d expect honestly. 

You head to can town to cool off. It’s always better in there, likely because of the fact that the Mayor is the only respectable bitch left on this godforsaken meteor. 

You make it to the doorway and here Dave’s voice drifting out, he’s rapping, oh great. But hey, it’s about the Mayor so it might just be tolerable. 

He’s turned away from you, facing the Mayor who is using his soundboard to beatbox for him, you decide not to interrupt for a minute. 

“My main man the mayor, 

His mere existence an answered prayer,

He’s the flyest bro you’ll ever know, 

Man’s got a sick ear for beats

Ready to throw out his mile long rap sheet,

Its ironic the phonics this little man’s towin

Throwin down with the best of us, making

Fools outta the rest of us he ain’t playin man

He’s got it down while y’all are still flouderin

He’s polluting the air without care his sick 

Rhymes making the best outta hard times 

Any way y’all, I got go but just know, 

Ain’t nobody slicker and sicker the best dude

Bro man and friend this side of the end,

That’s just my main man the Mayor” 

The Mayor claps and you join in, but as soon as Dave realises there are  _ two  _ people in the room, he pulls that flashsteping shit and absconds the fuck out. You groan, loudly,because now if you want to talk to him, you’ll have to go break into his room. 

You decide that Dave and his obvious stage fright can take a backseat and you are going to help out the Mayor. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hEY IM NOT DEAD  
> just a lot a stress lately. here have a chapter

You are Dave Strider and you are fucked.

Karkat heard you rapping to the Mayor and that is all hells of embarrassing. It’s bad enough that he’d heard you sing, but a shitty rap made for your favorite mute carapace? Oh man, that shit is all kinds of gross and you wonder why in the nonexistent earth you did that.

As always, you absconded to your room, and although you’d love to sling some sickass beats to get your mind off of it, you really _really_ don’t want to risk Karkat barging in, as he does rather frequently. So instead, you decide to be a COMPLETE ASS and barricade your door. After you’ve piled a sufficient amount of boxes and a whole ass dresser in front of it, you sit down on your bed to relax

Unfortunately for you, you do not get to relax. Shortly after you sit down, a loud banging noise above your bed attracts your eye. It’s the vent shaft. Oh fuck. The clown’s finally gonna get you, all your nightmares that Karkat insisted were unfounded because of that fucker being afraid of Kanaya were right.

Karkat comes falling out of the vent in the most extravagant and insane way you could’ve imagined, he knocks you over and you both end up on the ground. Literally what in the actual hell just happened?

“OW FUCK”

“Karkat, WHAT pray tell, are you doing?” You manage to roll him off of you and stand up, he flounders around for a second and stands next to you.

“WELL YOU DISAPEARED AGAIN AND I FIGURED THAT THE ONLY WAY TO TALK TO YOU AFTERWARDS WOULD BE THE VENTS.”

“Hey wait what gave you that idea?” He looks at you pointedly, then at your box-and-dresser-covered door.

“K, fine, but I thought you were the damn juggalo man!” He looks at you with the same venomous look at before.

“Dave if you ever fucking listened to me you’d know that me and Kanaya blocked the vent shafts leading to his half of the meteor ages ago” You frown, Kanaya was _always_ complaining about him going through her shit so how in the hell is the vent crawling clown getting in there?

As if reading your thoughts. Karkat answers

“Kanaya’s a freak about her fabric and shit, she stores them way far away from us. Mostly because she thinks I’ll fuck it up or Terezi will slobber all over it” Ok, that’s fair. TZ was chewing on your cape not too long ago and you’d be way more pissed if it wasn’t virtually indestructible.

“Ok back on topic. Why the fuck couldn’t you just wait until I came back out? “

“Because that’d take forever and you’re just gonna mentally shit on yourself in here if I let you.”

“Also, I tried but I barely lasted three minutes”

“Got it, so you broke into my room, scaring the fuckin shit out of me, because you’re impatient and worried about my mental health?” He shrugs noncommittally and you flop back on to your bed.

“Well if you’re gonna be in here, wanna continue our sailor moon episode?” He scoffs, but kicks off his shoes and sits beside you.

“Yeah but I might punch your screen if Rei makes a move on Usagi’s man again” You smirk at him. He zoned in on the romance aspect the second you queued up episode one.

“Dude they aren’t even a thing yet c’mon”

“Yeah but he’s so obviously her endgame and I’d like Rei to kindly fuck off”

“Why? The fiery girl in red remind you of anyone?” He punches you in the arm, it hurts, because fuckin trolls never take it easy but you say ‘ouch’ in the fakest voice possible so he can’t tell.

You don’t know when you fall asleep, but you definitely do, and it’s quite possibly the best sleep you’ve ever had. \

You wake up with something heavy on your chest. In your sleep addled haze, you think nothing of it, it’s warm so you just hug a little tighter toward that warmth and try to go back to sleep. That lasts about five minutes, then your brain catches up enough to realise three things.

  1. Shades are gone
  2. Karkat is _definitely_ the warm thing
  3. You are SO expertly fucked right now



There ‘s literally no passing this shit off as anything other than really, extra, super gay. Like, astronomical levels of homo.

Not that being gay is an issue. But you aren’t gay. Your sister is, which is cool, but you aren’t. For sure. 100% grade A straight, white American. Wait… Are you even American? Or white? You were made through an ecto machine so does it really have races or nationalities? Oh shit, the four of you are illegal aliens holy crap that’s gonna be a cool one to tell the others about.

Sometime during your internal monologue, Karkat woke up, his eyes are fixed on yours and you panic for a second, before realizing that, if anyone ways gonna be cool with your whack ass eyes, it’s definitely the other dude with a mutation. The other thing is that you probably look like a fuckin idiot with like, ten chins, because this is a really weird angle to look down at.

“Hey wassup man” Great opener Dave, brilliant even.

“You have red eyes?” He phrases it like he’s utterly stunned by this revelation.

“Uh.. yeah. Last I checked”

“Holy shit…” You don’t like the sound of that.

“Holy shit!” He pushes himself up and is now directly over you and it’s kinda hot and you kinda really extra don’t want him to find that out. You freeze and he grins madly at you

“What?” you ask, cautiously.

“Troll eyes turn to their blood color when they get older… I won’t be the only one with red ass eyes!” He is _way_ too excited about that. But you are strangely comforted by the fact that Karkat’s eyes eventually will be a near match for your own. As if he just realized he’s straddling you, he swings up and off the bed, red faced and flustered.

You really want to talk about it

You two don’t talk about it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hey what up it's be ya gorl, uh, never-fuckin-updates   
> but really tho. I may be slow as balls but I'm not gonna stop until I'm done.   
> also would you look at that we get a visit from gamzee the wonder clown

Twelfth Perigee finally rolls around and you’re nervous as fuck. You know that Terezi and Kanaya will like their gifts, you don’t give two fucks about whether or not Vriska likes hers. But the humans… You aren’t so sure. Kanaya is dating Rose so you would like to be in her good graces, and Dave… He’s another story. Dave’s been the majority of your company the past few months and you really do appreciate that. You can’t imagine what has possessed the poor motherfucker to think that you were worth anyone’s time, but you’re glad he does.

You’ve fallen asleep together a few more times now, and you aren’t talking about it. It’s clear that it’s pretty comfortable for you both but you don’t have the globes to bring it up, but neither does he so at least you’re both pissbabies.

You know that Rose said to be in the communal living cavern by 8:30, but you have something to do first.

You weave through the various obstacles placed in the long hall to the other side of the meteor. You never go here, only Kanaya and occasionally Vriska ever go on this side. You’d prefer _not_ to see the putrid, shambling husk that is Gamzee Makara. Yes he definitely was your best friend at one point, and you were 100% still pale for him. But at this point, there is very little Gamzee left in that skeletal body, still, here you are, moving around the tripping hazards meant to keep him away, to deliver a _present_.

You shouldn’t _be_ here, he doesn’t care, you don’t even think he eats anymore, let alone knows what day it is!

But you trudge forward, until you reach the line. He usually won’t cross it. Kanaya painted a line in his blood color, a pretty damn clear message that he shouldn’t step closer, which he generally heads.

You set down the package, filled with his favorite snacks and a new set of clothes. You push it across the line and turn to abscond the hell out of there, when you hear a slight shuffle. You turn, expecting a rage filled Juggalo, but instead, you are greeted by a poorly wrapped present in grey in place of the one you had just dropped off. You gingerly pick it up and read the messy note on it.

ThAnKs BeSt FrIeNd

-HoNk

Well fuck. Looks like he did remember. You captchalogue it and call out to the dark room.

“GAMZEE! YOU RAT BASTARD! TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!...”

“and thank you” you add, just barely loud enough to be heard.

YOU are pacing around your room like a total jackass, you know you’re supposed to be in the living room for present exchanges, but you are nervous that Karkat will fucking hate his gift. He might think it’s a reminder of his failures, or just plain rude. Regardless, you weren’t ready to get your head removed by a pair of sickles just yet.

You try using the breathing exercises Rose used to press you into using, but they aren’t working. So instead, you rap your feelings, barely audible, you start just throwing shit out, and it definitely was shit, a crappy rap for a crappy feeling, you suppose. But eventually, you calm down enough to leave your room. You are 15 minutes late, but so is Karkat, as you both enter the room and are greeted with irritated looks from the lesbian torture squad.

You sit on the bean bag next to a little stool you alchemitized for the mayor. Karkat drags his bean bag (the one he stamped with his name for extra effect) next to you and sits down.

“Now that you two have decided to join use, we can get started!” You get another glare from your twin as she hands everyone a gift from her.

“I’ll take the liberty of going first!” 

Rose’s presents are predictably well coordinated and well received. She gives you a flash drive will a bunch of new violin tracks in a variety of genres. You actually get up and hug her because she _still_ doesn’t have a violin so that means she must have made these before the game. Karkat gets a journal bound in leather from her, she gives Terezi a red hat she deems “D3L1C1OUS” and Vriska a scarf with “F8ck 8itches, G8t Sl8yed” embroidered on it. You think Rose only spent that much time on Vriska’s gift because it makes her laugh as much as it does Vriska.

She doesn’t give Kanaya anything, which is suspicuous, but when Karkat brings it up, Kanaya answers.

“She brought me to one of the empty rooms early this morning and she had filled in alternian flora… It was amazing” She’s grinning ear to ear and green as a head of broccoli, dayum, your sis has got game. Karkat beams back at her, happy Kanaya’s so fuckin enthralled with Rose.

Kanaya goes next, producing perfectly wrapped gifts and passing them out accordingly.

As it turns out, all of you have identical gifts (except Rose, who gets an extra, very detailed dress as well), really damn comfortable animal onesies, crab, spider, dragon, cat and… crow. Shit man she really had you, you don’t even think you told her about your love of crows so Rose or Karkat must’ve snitched. All of you changed into them immediately as Vriska and Terezi prepared their joint gifts. Oh joy.

You were pleasantly surprised by the two devious girls. Much like Kanaya, they had a theme; Scalemates. Well, not really scalemates since they were different animals, but it was obviously a modified pattern. You never would have guessed either of them could sew, but the stitching was no alchemiter bulshit, it was hand done.

You and Karkat were now in a game of chicken, waiting to see who’d break and go first. It was him, he went first.

He gave Terezi a bag of red gummy worms and you knew for a fact that he couldn’t figure out how to alchemitize _only_ red and instead made a ton of bags and picked out all the red ones for her. Of which you elected to tell them, earning a glare from Karkat and a round of mostly mocking ‘awws’ from the girls. Vriska got a video game you didn’t recognize and Kanaya got a giant spool of sparkling jade fabric. Apparently, she had some that got ruined and he replaced it. He gave Rose a short story about two wizard dudes and she looks _way_ too gleeful when he said it was a romcom. Then he got to you, he looked super nervous and a little twitchy as he handed you your gift. You unwrapped it and _holy shit_. It was quite possibly one of the worst collages you have ever seen in all the right ways. It was dozens of pictures of you and everyone else, even a few of you talking to Jade and John, and all of them were smooshed together awkwardly (but _purposely)_ and you couldn’t help the laughter that bubbled out of you. All your friends, right here on a shitty cardboard cutout of your shades. You thanked him profusely. He turned a deep red and told you to keep your mushy crap to yourself.

Everyone’s looking at you.

Shit, right, it’s your turn.

You stand up nervously and pluck the last, terribly (but _ironically_ ) wrapped presents. Rose this thoroughly excited when she opens her violin and you even managed to get a genuine smile out of her. Kanaya’s next, you give her a huge box and she looks at you suspiciously, until she opens it and finds copious amounts of vampire novels inside. She immediately fixes Karkat with a glare.

“You were absolutely _not_ supposed to tell anyone about my liking of rainbow drinker fiction!” she chides, but Karkat flips her off and tells her that he’s tired of her complaining about her current lack of reading material.

Vriska and Terezi seem please enough with their gifts, your copy of Conair and a bunch of hand drawn SB&HJ comics. But when you get to Karkat’s, you fidget a little, this is only part one, of your gift for him, and you’re _still_ nervous about it.

It’s the DVD set of Fresh Prince. Which you know he likes, despite his frequent claims that Thresh Prince is better. He actually doesn’t cuss you out, though.

“Holy shit, this is actually a bearable gift Dave, consider me surprised and a little thankful” You try (try) not to smile, but that’s one of the few times you got a almost compliment from him. He sees you smiling like a dork and growls at you, you stick your tongue out in return.

The rest of the evening is nothing _but_ eventful, Kanaya and Rose’s plan to trick the girls into being helpful worked out, turns out the blind girl with a good nose can actually cook when provided with an bitchy assistant that can see.

You all end the evening watching movies, all the movies. All of them. Well, at least the Christmas themed ones. Jade has managed to get a few titles from her Grandson/Grandpa who she apparently can just talk to over pesterchum now, and also rather fortunately, he’s a rabid fan of cinema. Getting to watch movies that weren’t even in the beginnings of production in your timeline is actually kinda thrilling, even if these ones are all sappy hallmark flicks.

After five movies and intense intermissions full of squabbling girls, you all go to bed, except Terezi and Vriska who are full on passed out on the fuckin floor, none of you still semi-conscious folk care enough to wake them. You walk down the hall and are about to split off from Karkat when you give him his second gift. You hand him a small, grey MP3 player with some headphones wrapped around them.   
“What the fuck is this?” He says in a whisper, which is just a normal speaking tone for anyone not Karkat.

“You’re second gift. It was Kanaya’s idea, I just made the playlist” You shrug, and silently hope that he doesn’t reject this, you spent _way_ too long on it. He takes the gift and pockets it.

“What’s the music like? Because I don’t know how much rap music my ears can handle, fucktruck.”

“it’s not really… Music. It’s sounds, like waves, crickets and shit. It’s supposed to help people sleep and calm down or something.” He looks a little confused, but not like. Mad or anything. So that’s good. Right?

“ I don’t know how the the hell chirpbug noises and waves will help me sleep, but at this point, I might actually listen to your fucking raps if it helped me sleep” He turns down the hall to shuffle back to his room and throws his head back around for a second.

“Thanks. For not being a complete fucking tool, I mean. You actually did pretty good with gifts…” He absconds before you have a chance to respond.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just an fyi we have rose and kanaya talking about her alcoholism here. it's gonna happen again, this is just the first time they talk about it  
> also TZ can bake and you can pry that headcanon from my cold dead hands

YOU are currently plotting…  
Plotting and scheming…  
Well, not really, it’s actually all rather innocent and sweet. At least you hope it is. You have recently conversed with Karkat and decided against celebrating Rose and Dave’s wriggling days so close to Christmas/Twelfth Perigee as he seems to believe that there is a social stigma around combining the two events, or it might just be a minor annoyance. As of now, you are going to ask two actual humans about the nature of their celebrations regarding socially acceptable practices for Birthdays as they call them.

grimAuxillatrix (GA) Opened a memo!   
grimAuxillatrx (GA) named the memo Acquisition of information Surrounding The Celebration Of Ones Birth

GA: Hello Everyone   
GA: I Wish To Keep This Matter Brief, But In Essence, Rose And Dave Neglected To Inform Us Of Their Birthdays And I Intend To Rectify The Lack Of A Celebration By Having A Admittedly Late Party For Them.   
GA: However Due To The Differences In Cultures I think It Prevelent That I Ask Humans How To Best Commemorate The Occasion.   
GA: Then Rises The Issue Of The Only Humans Aboard This Meteor Also Being The Subjects Of Said Party.   
GA: Bringing Us To This Memo Which I Have Started In Order To Discuss Such Matters With The Only Other Living Humans.   
CG: KANAYA THAT WAS ANYTHING BUT FUCKING BRIEF   
CG: YOU COULD HAVE JUST BEEN LIKE “HEY ASSHOLES WE WANT TO CELEBRATE YOUR FRIENDS WRIGGLING DAY BUT WE AREN’T HUMANS HOW DO WE DO THAT?”   
CG: SEE? ONE SENTENCE. DONE   
GA: Yes But It Lacks The Usual Flare I Put In My Writing.   
CG: YOU’RE INCOMPRENESIBLE TO PEOPLE WITH AVERAGE LEVEL INTELLIGENCE   
GA: So Is To Ward Off Any Absolute Idiots, Then.   
GG: Ha! Then John can’t read this memo!   
GA: Oh, There You Are, I Was Concerned That I may Have Typed your Handles Incorrectly   
GG: You and Karkat talk a lot   
GA: Ah, My Apologies.   
CG: FUCK! YOU!   
GG: no thanks!   
EB: sorry guys I was back reading!   
EB: hey jade I am not an idiot!   
GG: you like pineapple on pizza you are definitely an idiot   
CG: OK! BACK TO THE TASK AT HAND! HOW DO YOU CELEBRATE WRIGGLING DAYS?   
GG: well I lived by myself for forever so I think it’s better I let john handle this one!   
EB: haha yeah!   
EB: normally we just have a big party!   
EB: usually with cake and presents   
EB: really it’s just hanging out and having fun!   
EB: oh! And usually we put candles on the cake!   
CG: SOUNDS LAME BUT DOABLE   
GA: I Am Afraid That I Am Unfamiliar With Baking…   
CG: YOU’RE NOT JUST UNFAMILLIAR! YOU’RE BITTER RIVALS WITH THE VERY CONCEPT!

CG: LAST TIME YOU COOKED, ROSE AND DAVE GOT FOOD POISONING   
GG: holy shit!!!   
GA: How Was I Supposed To Know Humans Cannot Consume Raw Meat!   
EB: hah! That’s hysterical!   
EB: you know, I think I have some recipe books back on LOWAS   
EB: but if I send them over, maybe karkat should do the baking   
CG: HELL YEAH   
CG: ANYTHING ELSE WE SHOULD KNOW?   
EB: this is just related to cooking in general but humans also cant eat raw eggs, might get sick.   
CG: GOOD TO KNOW KANAYA CUT THE CHAT, DEADASS   
GA: Alright, Thank You For The Information!

grimAuxilatrix (GA) closed the memo!

You stand and stretch, you have been sitting for a considerable amount of time and are feeling rather stiff. It seems that a walk is in order.  
Despite common belief amongst the other 4 sane (ish) dwellers of the meteor, you and Rose do not share a respite block, but you might as well. There is a door linking your two rooms, you walk over to check on Rose, and perhaps ask her to join you on your walk. Rose is splayed on the rug in front of her sleeping platform. She has a martini glass next to her and looks to be attempting to decipher a novel. Judging by the lack of liquid in her cup, you are left to assume she has already consumed the human soporific and is almost definitely intoxicated.  
You have known Rose for nearly half a sweep, and an unfortunate amount of that time she has spent under the influence of ‘alcohol’. You hate it, the drinks, that is. You see the problem for what it is: a coping mechanism, not unlike the massive amounts of faygo you keep catching Terezi downing like it’s water. You have brought this up before, mostly in snide quips, you are honestly, afraid. Afraid of the consequences of dipping into a paler territory with your matesprit, or even what she may do in response to being bluntly called out on her behavior. You’ve seen the fights she’ll get in with Dave about it, though few in number, their volume and rage is far too reminiscent of what happened to the rest of your friends.  
Today is the last straw, though. You don’t know what sets you off, maybe it’s the dumb expression across her face, or the way she looks at the word you know she can read like they’re a foreign language. She is so smart, so capable, and seeing her like this has saddened you, but now, no it angers you.  
“Rose are you over intoxicated again?” she whips her head up to face you and you can’t help yourself, you get mean.  
“I understand your pain, of loosing your lusus and the trauma we both endured, but this is getting ridiculous! You are far more intelligent than to think that this is a good use of your time! Dave is lightyears past fed up with this behavior and honestly so am I.” She blinks, starting to sober up as you word-vomit at her. Your voice lessens in volume but increases in harshness.  
“Rose what are we to do if you are like this when we arrive in the new session? Should we just pray that one of the new humans is a seer, because ours is too indisposed to know up from down, let alone predict our most fortunate course of action? Rose what if you die, because you are unable to protect yourself…” You have been plagued by these thoughts since she started down this track, but saying it out loud…. It somehow makes the whole thing feel 100 times more serious and plausible than before. You hope she would stop drinking before the battle, but addiction is not so easily denied, even when your life depends on it.  
Rose begins to cry, it’s not loud, or dramatic, just the light falling of tears from her eyes and a slighty wobbling lip. She looks up at you with those beautiful violet eyes and chokes out a sentence.  
“I- I understand… Are you going to leave me?” Somehow, that one sentence is enough to kill your anger and replace it with regret. You don’t want to leave her! You have already lost so many, your home, your friends, your lusus, you feel like loosing her could easily be the nail in the burial container for you. You sit down next to her and grab her hands, it astonishes you so often how warm she is in comparison to yourself.  
“I don’t want that, I don’t know if either of us can handle much more emotional strain. We can do this together.” You wipe her tears and she gives you the slightest of smiles.  
“I don’t know who I must of sold my soul to, but I’d like you to know, you were 100% worth it, and I’d definitely do it again” You laugh, barely above a whisper.  
“Perhaps we should go on a walk about the meteor? To clear our heads, an stretch a bit” You stand and extend a hand to pull her up.  
“That depends, can we harass Dave and Karkat about their bad antisocial tendencies? Hypocritically, of course”  
“Oh definitely, it wouldn’t be a proper stroll without a little bit of friendly banter” She takes your hand and walks with you out of the block.  
Perhaps it was youthful naivety, or just blind hope, but you felt like this was the end of it. In hindsight, it was a bit unfair of you.

YOU are trying to bake a cake for your idiot human hive mates, unfortunately, you have literally no idea what you’re doing and you already had to send Kanaya out after she dropped the “flour” and coated the both of you in a thick blanket of white powder. Just moments earlier, she had tried to crack the eggs and was so forceful with them that they just ended up splattered all over the counter. It probably should have been obvious from previous instances that Kanaya Maryam, cannot cook, but she convinced you to let her try. The egg covered paper towels and your still dusty clothes were your reward for that decision.  
Someone shuffles into the block and you are unsuprised to find it’s Terezi. She’s bothered you no less than ten times today since you told her that you were throwing a wriggling day party for the humans.  
“Hiya Karkles! What’s cookin?” She slaps your back, not painful, just irritating, which she knows, of course.  
“Fucking nothing right now! Between you and the walking disaster known as Kanaya, I’m not getting much done!” She chortles and makes a big show of sniffing about the room.  
“You makin some celebratory sweetloaf?” You scrunch your nose.  
“That’s highblood shit. This is a human “cake” and yeah I guess it’s still celebratory”  
“Rad! And actually, it’s just not a lowblood thing. Vriska and I used to make some after our outrageously awesome FLARP wins” You rolled your eyes, not that she could tell.  
“Figures, you two’s teeth are probably gonna rot out before your adult molt at the rate you eat sugar” She hip-bumps you and you scoot to the side. She quickly starts sorting the ingredients and mixing. You cannot believe she actually knows how to bake, this is ridiculous. She orders you around the kitchen and you begrudgingly let her take over. It takes fucking forever and goddamnit, Rose and Dave better fucking appreciate the hours you put into this.

At the end of what seems like an eternity, but was actually like an hour, you two have finished baking, the cakes are out of the oven and on the counter. You started to get out the frosting but Terezi looks at you like you’re a dumbass, which you are, but it’s still offensive.

“What?” She takes the frosting and puts it back in the fridge.

“Karkat what the fuck do you think happens when cold stuff touches hot stuff?? It MELTS dunderfuck, and I will not have you ruining my hard work!” Your face heats up, oh, duh, that one should have been- she surprises you by licking your cheek, you really should be used to this by now, but you just stand there, spluttering half-insults and barely formed words while she laughs at you. Today was fun, even if you won’t admit it to her.


	8. Chapter 8

YOU are in your room, mixing, when Rose comes in.

“Damnit rose-“ you step away from your tables.

“Can’t I dude get like, a fraction of some privacy up’n here? What if I was jackin off or something Rose? Is that something you really wanna see?” She cringes and looks at you with distaste.

“One, ew. Two, I sincerely hope you aren’t masturbating with the door partially open, Dave”

“I-well,-Fuck” She smiles, oh no

“That does describe your state of mind a majority of the time, yes,”

Damnit, how do you always let her do this? You’re half convinced that some cosmic asshole is controlling your speech to make it just absurd enough for Rose to mock.

“Or you just spill such an obnoxious amount of bulcrap from your mouth that any reasonable person could find a way to insult you,”

“That’s not fair, you’re cheating!” You whine, except, she’s not and you know it. She has just managed to have this exact conversation with you enough that the words are practically burned into both of your minds at this point. Rose invites herself all the way in and sits on your bed.

“So, are you and Karkat getting along?” You nod, hoping this isn’t going where you think it is.

“Yeah, man, we’re chill, two homies chillin out on a ride to our doom, we’re all good,” She frowns

“We are not going to die, Dave, if all four alphas ascend, then we will have 8 human godtiers and two trolls, I fail to see why we _wouldn’t_ win at that point. Especially since Lord English is a Time player and we have _two_ Time players,” You wince, you really aren’t looking forward to using your powers again, years away or not. Her face softens, just a little.

“I’m sorry, I know you don’t like it, but you will almost definitely have to use your powers Dave, at least to hold him off,” You know that. You know that having two gods with the same powers as your enemy is a foot up that you guys can definitely use, and yet, you really don’t want to doom any more timelines, dead daves are the enemy. You repeat the last part out loud.

“Yes, that they are. Well, although that was not my intended course for this conversation, I think we needed to talk about it a little. Now, on to the main problem-“ Problem, what problem? Is the clown getting too close? Is Vriska being more bitchy than usual?

“No, nothing serious, just that our troll friends seem to be plotting a birthday celebration” Man, you though they’d let that one slide after Christmas happened without a fuss, but clearly not…

“How’d you get the deets?” She grins at you.

“Jade isn’t very good at gossiping, and John literally can’t even lie over text so it took about twenty minutes for the two of them to blab to me after Kanaya and Karkat told them,” You snort.

“Yeah that sounds about right. What we gonna do about it?”

“Nothing, I suppose. If they’re that dead set on celebrating our births- or landing, I suppose, then I don’t see why we should stop them.” You groan, you don’t really _want_ to let them, but she’s right, annoyingly and as usual; you don’t want to burst their bubble like that.

“So you just here to let a bro know what’s coming or?” She bites her lip.It’s not often you see her nervous, but this is definitely one of those rare occasions.

“I need your help with something. In the computer lab…” If she tries to get you to help with alchemizing something weird you will absolutely go fucking apeshit. But, the Good Brother tm that has emerged in you since discovering you had a sibling wins out, you follow her to the computer lab and thus the alchemiter. She brings up the drinks menu and goes int other alcohol section, you’re about to protest, you aren’t gonna assist her developing addiction.

“I’ve been trying to figure out a way to erase them all, but there isn’t an obvious way to do so. Jade said she’s done it but she stopped responding so I’m assuming she’s asleep or distracted… Could you take a look?” Well. This is the _better_ (way better) scenario.

“Yeah, sure, scoot over”

YOU are having a nice and relaxing break from party planning when Kanaya appears in your field of vision. Getting her unglued from Rose’s indisposed ass hasn’t been easy, so when she shows up, you tend to drop everything to talk to her; but lately, she seems to be purposely be aggravating you. 

“Fancy seeing you here, cake ruiner” A jade flush spreads across her face and she kicks you in the shin.

“I come out here to talk to my dear friend about how he’s doing, and this is the thanks I get?” You stick your tongue out at her, she does the same before smiling and sitting next to you. 

“Answer to your questions, fine, yes, maybe, no, yes and no again” She scrunches up her nose.

“That’s- I haven’t even asked you anything!” You look at her pointedly.

“Fine, then ask” She huffs, sits quietly for a few, blissful seconds, and then asks exactly what you thought she would.

“How are you doing?”

“Fine”

“Are you and Dave getting along, you’ve been spending a lot of time together?”

“Yes, somehow”

“ I know you tend to develop feelings very quickly, any strong ones directed at him?”

“Maybe, I’m undecided”

‘Would you tell me, or him, if you did?”

“No”

“Have you considered that it might actually be good for you to do so?”

“Yes, and the answer’s still no, are we done?”

“You don’t have to be so testy about everything, you know” You snort, that’s like, half your personality. You decide that your energy for this conversation is about empty.

“Kanaya, is there a reason why you’ve made the terrible choice of fussing over my social life whilst annoyingly not talking to me about your romantic endeavors?” She narrows her eyes at you. You don’t _like_ being a douche about this, but truth be told, Kanaya and Rose have issues, issues you could at least _help_ air out, but Kanaya is nothing if not stubborn. She makes up some dumbass excuse and bolts from the room. Goddamnit.

You stand up and go back to the party stuff. You’ve got presents to wrap and movies to alchemize, preferably before the nosy humans sniff out your plans.


End file.
